Sometimes I'll finish a hymn and realize that it's just not quite working, and the reason is verse 3 (it is in fact often verse 3). Or verse 2 or 5--something that just isn't working correctly, either because the rhyme won't go or sometimes because the theology is off. Often it's just heavy-handed. So I take the verse out, and voila, the text works as a whole. Just needed a good amputation to finish up.Some examples follow.
From an Epiphany hymn, to the tune of "At the Name of Jesus":
As the Queen of Sheba came to Solomon
Camels heav'ly laden under gifts of balm
So they brought their treasures to the holy Child
Signal that the nations might be reconciled.
Actually, I was mistaken about the Bible when I wrote the above--the Queen of Sheba never laded her camels with balm. That was someone else. So I rewrote the first lines to:
As the Queen of Sheba came to Israel's king
Wisdom's light to treasure; precious gifts to bring...
Good deletion!
Here's another, from an Assumption hymn, to the tune of For All the Saints:
The Blessed Mother perfectly reveals:
Fruits of God's grace grow best in fertile fields.
God's word is sown and plentifully yields,Alleluia, alleluia.
That's okay, but it's just too heavy-handed with the whole fertility theme, too borderline earth-motherish. Also, the second verse is not as directly drawn from Scripture as the rest of the text was. Also a good deletion.
One that I would have liked to keep--no glaring problems with it--is this from an All Saints Hymn, to the tune of Christ the Lord is Ris'n Today:
Once their deaths appeared as loss, Alleluia!
Like their Master's on His cross, Alleluia!
With Him they accepted strife, Alleluia!
With Him share abundant life, Alleluia!
I deleted that one for two major reasons. First, the life/ strife rhyme is overdone (so is loss/ cross, to tell the truth.) But the real reason is just that the hymn just worked better without it. I think of it as a design issue--it cuts the air better now; it's more streamlined.
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